I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this .. ..
I did it my way!
………………………………………….
“No one can help you but yourself”
I’m sure people always need someone to talk, to share or even help when they have a problem but who else can help them and always be there to listen to them if not themselves?
* To talk could help you feel better but what if there’s no one to talk to?
* To be helped is always good but what if there’s nothing can help if you don’t help yourself?
I don’t need help when I have problems (big problems not silly problems) but I just need someone to talk to. Sometimes distant makes it difficult to talk to another one so I decided to write … like I talk to myself. And it works, always.
And not only about problems, happiness also. As now, I know who can I shout at but unfortunately he would never hear even I scream out loud. And for the one that can hear, is not here to listen also. So again, I write.
I got two good news! I did it! I can do it! They like it! They accepted me! Wow! It’s really awesome! (hahaha I told myself that). I’m underestimated by myself – I mean I underestimate myself (why do I have to make it hard!) But I work with my heart/experience/soul and brain, of course but always thought – maybe I can’t have it, maybe they don’t like my idea or my writing style. I just don’t expect because I don’t want to get hurt by that ….
But this time I got it!
I GOT IT!
Well done hah, New?
…………………………………………………………….
Yes there were times I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
Anyway, this is another thing I know that “only me that helps myself to do things, only me that helps myself to face it all, only me that helps myself to fight and find the solution for all troubles and yes only me that sees myself cry or smile when I am sad or happy.
I did it by myself
I did it my way
so I will do it by myself
and I will continue do it my way …
Be proud and enjoy it even though no one can see ..
This special time is now for Frank Sinatra and My Way
………………………………………………………..
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
and not the words of one who kneels
the record knows I took the blows and did it my way
It happened to me many time which sometimes I’m not sure is it miracle or luck? Are they different? *
I won a lotto two times in my life! I’m not a lotto lover but bought them with birthday lucky number twenty years ago and this year. And i won!!!
* I dreamed about something good and on the next day it’s happened to me in real life.
* When “a name” of someone who i don’t know popped up in my head, later I always meet or know someone who has the same name as in my thought. * People who came into my life : friends or all ex, most of them were someone who i saw them first and really wanted to have a friendship/relationship with but never start the conversation with but later they came to me as they knew my thought.
* When i fall in love with “a song”, always heard it wherever i go even an oldest one which rarely heard in this century. * My wishes always come true!!!!! Unbelievable!!!
Just passed through a tough time in Bangkok where I live, the situation is now undercontrol but .. who knows? Thought that we hadn’t have a great day during SongKran Festival at all but no, thanks for everyone who can make it happened like the other years.
Not just only the politic problem in this country, but there’s a politic in the company I work also. Something changes. Some people have to leave, some people are still working here.
I was thinking, should I continue working as a Thai copywriter? Or should i change to do something that is better than now? There are many chances to work in the other fields but i just don’t have any passion to start it. I’m too old? .. no, no one is too old to start new thing. Just believe in yourself. Step back and look for what you really need then you can do it better ..
I’m sure there are so many people that come into your, your or your .. life. Me too. I can say that I can’t remember all of their names because some people just come and go. Some people just have some stories with you in a moment of time. After that, they’re gone.
But I don’t only remember just the people that I want to remember. Some of them, maybe they want me to forget them but I can’t.
I really can’t.
I have many friends. But .. some said “what does friend mean?” Why did you call those kind of people “friends”? .. I’m sorry, in English I call them friend. But in thai – I have the other names to call them.
I miss some of my friends who now disappear from my life. Some we lost contact, some we still have each other contact info but we didn’t contact each other. Maybe it’s sound exaggerated if I say I think they miss me too but actually I know.
One of my “friends” told me “we’re not disappear from each other but we just don’t see each other”. Yes, because we have a connection.
I used to have one friend who didn’t contact me every day or at lease every week or even every month like the others do but this friend just told me where to meet next time. Even it’s in a few months but yeah “we will meet there in 2 months” and within these two months, i never have a contact from this friend.
This remind me of one scene of Before sunset. The actor told the actress to come to meet at that time and they lost contact – so the guy thought that a woman didn’t show up. Ok, she didn’t show up but she can’t – not because she doesn’t want to go.
But for me and this friend, I showed up and my friend always showed up. We don’t have to say hello everyday. We don’t have to talk to each other everyday. But we know that “one day” we meet again. And yes, we did. We made a promise and we did as we promise.
I don’t expect that I’m gonna meet someone like this. Because I think no one can be like this.It’s too funny to be like my friend. Now we lost connection. I cut off – i did it. I’m not sorry because destiny leaded me this way.
I’m happy with a position I stand for now.
But in my life I have also lost the others who came into my life in the different time. For example, my good friend in the university, my best friend in school, my great friend in primary school… I don’t know where are they.
I used to talk a lot to one friend long time ago. She called me often. But I don’t think I’m close to her. When she has the problem she called me, I listened to her, talked to her, helped her feel better. She thought I am her good friend. Maybe I am good to her but I’m not her best friend. But she didn’t think like that. She thought when she thinks I’m her bestfriend – i would think the same. And she expected me to do that.
one day, I told her “Don’t expect too much in life because it will hurt you. If you want to give someone a hundred points, don’t expect that you’ll get the hundred points back. If you want to give, just give. And if no one gives you back, don’t angry. Just be happy when you want to give and you give”.
I don’t want to hurt her. But how can I tell her that she’s my best friend if she’s not the one that I can share everything with. Not because she doesn’t want to listen to me. But I don’t share to her too. I don’t know why but I don’t want to share. But I always listen to her.
I used to be a person who always calls my friends everyday. I used to be the one that my friends called me everyday. I used to be a person who always goes out with my friends everyday. Now I become a person who don’t give any call everyday and I don’t go out everyday. I’m happy to be alone in my small place – like a chicken in the egg that maybe some people feel strange with it. But i call it home – even it doesn’t look like home but it is a place I live.
Now I only talk to my best friends which I have not a lot.
I think it’s enough.
I used to think that everyone is my friends. Now I asked myself the same “what does “friend” mean?” In one day I have to meet many people. Who are they? For example if I’ve met 30 people, do they all friends? I don’t think that all of them will care for me. I don’t think that all of them would like to talk to me. I don’t think that all of them who already have my email, my mobile’s number or even my address would like to email, to call or to come to visit me. Maybe none of them will do.
The people who care for me are not one of them.
Sometimes I’m scare of relationship. Because I don’t know what they expect. If they don’t, happy for them. But if they do, I don’t know how to do. I’m not that so good. I can’t smile to people all the time. I have my space. I have my life. I have a moment that I want to be alone. Sometimes I want to go with Q but I don’t want to go with T but I have to go with Q and T. (just the fake names anyway) I know that sometimes they think the same. And maybe they don’t know know how to do too! But most of the time, straight talk hurts people. So what should we do? Quiet? Tell them a lie? Keep it and feel pain for it?
Even i don’t want to care but I do care, don’t I?
Enough …
I’m not so bad … but i’m going to do the right thing for the right ones.
note : I love this song, LIKE A FRIEND by PULP – dedicated to people i met who used to be friends
“It’s like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night the cheesecake and the apple pie are always completely gone. The peach cobbler and the chocolate mousse cake are nearly finished but there’s always a whole bluberry pie left untouched.”
“There’s nothing’s wrong with the blueberry pie. It’s just people make other choices. You can’t blame the blueberry pie. It’s just no one wants it.”
That was just the conversation in the first, I think, chapter in My blueberry night, the movie. But that’s touch indeed. I agree with the one who spoke and also the one who wrote it. You can’t blame the blueberry pie.
When someone left you, when someone don’t understand you, don’t blame yourself. It just because people make other choices. Nothing’s wrong with you. Nothing. They just don’t want you. But there’ll be one day that you’ll be picked by someone. As the blueberry pie, one day someone will order it.
“Life happened. Things happened. Time happened. It’s pretty much the case more or less. Maybe one of them ran off with someone else or maybe .. the feelings just went away.”
They continued talking …
Yes. When someone left you, you may think that they have someone new – that’s the first thought that most people think. But maybe could be .. the feelings just went away. Who knows?
Break up doesn’t need the third person to come to make it happen. You and your partner could be the reason by itself also. Who knows?
who knows?
I don’t know … and I don’t want to know.
Sometimes it’s better if not knowing .. and other times there’s no reason to be found. Just let it be, let it go, let it walk away …
But I just only know that If you’re in love, if you still have it, keep it, hold it, do anything better so that you can keep it, maybe not, forever but as long as you can … At least you know that there is someone order your blueberry pie every night, every day …
He was enjoying staying around in this beautiful place but when he goes deep down, found out that the beautiful flower garden became a jungle. Here’s a mess. How could I go away from this jungle? , a boy thought.
A jungle sighs. Thought about the past, she was a beautiful flower garden but something changed. She got into a trap. She became a jungle since.
A boy’s scared. But a jungle didn’t mean to scare him. She’s scared too. She was beautiful but now it’s a mess. She tried to help but the more she helps, the more she scaring him.
A jungle, he thought. Horrible. I don’t wanna live my life in the jungle. How could I get out of here? ; said a boy.
Just an appearance, inside is still beautiful, please don’t be scare. If you don’t know what to do, just stay here. In a mess, there’s a calm ; said a jungle.
But it’s doesn’t matter.
He insisted. He’s disappointed. He doesn’t want to stay here.
How could I help him?, a jungle thought. Once he thought i’m a mess, i’ll be a mess for him forever, she thought.
She stopped helping him after she did but it was getting worst. So a jungle just stay quiet. But when she’s quiet, it scared him more. A boy doesn’t like this situation. He got lost in an ugly place with the silent, what the hell i’m doing here? , he shouted.
“Hey jungle, I want to escape from you. Have you ever thought that you would change to be something else? You shouldn’t live like a jungle, it sucks!” …
Silent from a jungle but in her mind is louding with her voice “I thought to change to be better than a jungle but I couldn’t do it right now. Sorry to make you disappointed to be lost in this ugly place. I don’t know how to help you get out of here. And if you couldn’t get out of this, maybe to think about how to enjoy your life in this ugly jungle is another way out.” She didn’t say that but she thought.
The boy kept saying “What would you do if I’m not here? Being lonely with this mess? Feel sad and suck like this?
The jungle replied in her mind “no, now i’m trying to accept that I am a jungle. It’s hard for me also for a beautiful one became an ugly one who no one wants to stay near. But I couldn’t do anything better. So I have to do everything to safe my life as much as possible, I have to enjoy being this stupit idiot jungle as much as possible … just wishing one day, I would become a beautiful garden again”
I don’t wanna hurt you. But you’re here now. You’re here in a mess. Sorry that I couldn’t help you find the way out. I know it’s hard for you to live your life here and to see a mess jungle like me everyday. I’m hurt enough. If I know the way to let you get out of this, I’ll tell you right now. Because I know it’s better for you to go out from here than stay here with me, she said.
The boy stopped. He heard the jungle said. Maybe she’s right, I’m here and couldn’t get out of her. Why don’t I accept the truth that I have to be here in her jungle. Maybe she didn’t want to be a mess but it’s a mess because she is the jungle. I couldn’t live with it if I have a chance but when I have no chance, why shouldn’t I accept it? , thought a boy.
The jungle kept silent, she shouldn’t speak.
She thought about the day the boy came in. She didn’t tell him to don’t go deep down coz she didn’t think that he’d get lost here. If she knew that he would get lost, if she knew that he would hate here, she would tell him to don’t come in since the first day.
Now she doesn’t know how to do. How beautiful the jungle is, the boy didn’t see. She couldn’t compare with the beautiful garden he met before.
She knew, the boy will not be happy if he has to live here forever. But she didn’t see the way out for him yet. Her destination is to be back to the beautiful flower garden again but it’ll take time and a boy can’t wait. He’ll be suffer so long.
Only one way to help the boy. Only one way to make him get out of here. Only one way to make him happy. Only one way, … is .. to finish this jungle life.
